#ArchiTalks 27 "mentorship"
i will finish writing this one day...
I have been approached recently by several male colleagues and maybe a couple female ones also... who want me to MENTOR their female employees and Nancy and I have a pretty good discussion about mentoring as a concept. Especially men asking women to mentor their female employees and why we say what we say, and why we say what we say after they say what they say. It all comes down to a few things.
Several years ago now, when we were doing #architalks I was speechless about what to say (ya, i know pretty amazing, huh???) but this is what i wrote
Ya, "that's all she wrote!"
And to this day, I pretty much think the same thing
If you are a firm owner or a person in a firm who wants me to mentor your employees,
YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY ME
Yes, that is right, and many men look at me absolutely "deer in headlights" and one of my friendships with someone who owns a big firm literally ended over, "I AM NOT GOING TO MENTOR YOUR EMPLOYEES FOR FREE"
and this one, I DO NOT WANT TO MENTOR ANYONE, I AM ALREADY MENTORING THREE PEOPLE THAT I GAVE BIRTH TO"
so recently i found out and this is what makes me even madder over the whole thing. I found out from someone who said, "WELL DON"T PEOPLE HAVE TO HAVE MENTORS NOW FOR THEIR INTERNSHIP HOURS?"
i was like WHAT????? SO I HAVE BEEN ASKED TO DO THIS BECAUSE IT IS WHAT THEY AS EMPLOYERS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING///'
So, anyways... I was even asked by one of my friends from college who had had lunch with the previously mentioned person that I be asked to mentor their foreign office about how women can be mothers and can still be architects.
One, I am not sure why I have become the "ARCHIMOM of the year that somehow includes being the mother for people I did not give birth to. There is one reason why I have three kids and that is because I got pregnant with three kids. Yes, I wanted to be a mom and I do see it as the best role of my life, HOWEVER, i really am not on this earth to take care of everyone else's, and especially after they are 18.
And to all of those people who think I should be telling their employees that they can be mothers and still be in architecture, I say,
THE BEST WAY TO BE A MOM AND BE IN ARCHITECTURE IS TO HAVE YOUR OWN PRACTICE.
So, I am not sure that I am the person who should be mentoring your employees because I would tell them to stop working for you.
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