May 12, 2019

#Archimom: what we really want for Mother's Day

Mother's Milk a blog

I am part of a group on Facebook that is about Mothers in the Architecture, Engineering and Construction Industry and one of the most frequent discussions on the page is
"How am I going to go back to work after having a baby?"
and "How am i going to find the time to take the ARE exams with / during whatever time of their life they are in?" during pregnancy, childbirth, baby, toddler, school age and college"
"How can I get a job at an architecture firm after a 10 year break while I raised my kids and/or will anyone hire me or will I "just" work for myself because it is better for my schedule (meaning the kids schedule)
"How have you pumped at work?"

Heavy questions that are about "Mother's Milk" and about how we work at being a mother. Yes, I said, "How we work at being a mother..."

We as women are defined by not only our work status, but our motherhood status.

It doesn't seem like fatherhood is held up to such scrutiny.

My mother is a great mother, she was a mother of the sixties, but she wasn't a hippie who wanted to be friends with their child, (contrary to popular 60's culture, smoking pot with your parents is not typically the way to establish boundaries)
Though she has always looked young, and in an area that was predominantly Catholic, could have easily been, my sister. However, my mother was a mother who taught me not only about what could help you, but what also could hurt you. And I have made that known to my children.

But she also told me that I could do anything that I wanted to as far as my life, career or personal wise, though she wasn't into "free love", she did make it known that I was not expected to marry and produce grandchildren

Peace love and understanding

So, today I met with some new clients and the wife and I were talking about Mother's Day and I said, "So what are you going to do for Mother's day and she said,
"Why is Mother's day always about having some beautiful thought out plans with gifts and Father's Day is just some guys hanging out and drinking beer around the grill?"
I said, "oh ya, and my husband's birthday is on Mother's Day this year again so I have to share the day, but it was better than when the kids were small and I said, "So what are you getting me for Mother's Day and he said, "You aren't my mother"...

And we end up trying to make it about being a mother and it's supposed to be about giving mom a great day but it still ends up that mothers are supposed to wear a new dress to church and the kids are supposed to look immaculate and somehow we end up having to plan the gifts and gatherings for our mothers PLUS their mothers and i was like,
WHY????

Well, maybe it's our insane need as mothers to care for people or our inordinate desire to like nice things but here's some beautiful cakes if your husband, parent of your child(ren), kids are really good at baking and want to spend some time doing it

chocolate cake with edible pansies desserts

Or this is if they aren't and don't have much time....

mother's day sheet cake

or this if they have no time and really want to make you happy (the best thing about this ice cream besides the women who own the company are that it is rich and you can easily be satisfied on half of a pint.

Coolhaus Ice Cream and Sammies

The fact that this product is now at a grocery store a couple miles from my house is either a really good thing or a really bad one, but like it says, it's "cheat day approved" and like I say, "I really don't diet".

But if you are going to eat the ice cream, you have to have these cool K-Swiss Coolhaus shoes to exercise afterwards, right and like I said in my Instagram story,

"for anyone who's ever walked a mile in a woman's shoes, here's 200..."

K-Swiss Coolhaus Shoes

Worthwhile organizations
So I saw in my Facebook feed that there is an organization that provides "new moms" packages for mothers all over the world for $63. And there might not be anything wrong with the organization, though I think that there is nothing wrong with supporting an organization that sends gifts to new moms, there are some basic gifts that we need to give moms all over the world and that is access to prenatal birth and postnatal health care and access to services which will promote and sustain that. This is an organization that, contrary to popular belief, does not make you nurse your child until they are five and only wean them because they are headed off to kindergarten, but they believe and it is right in their mission statement that whether you want to or can and how long you want to nurse your child, is your personal decision. I have never needed to call on them because I got some help that was in the neighborhood (besides the fact that my mother went to La Leche League meetings in the 60's with us....but I have heard from mothers who were not in to the La Leche League talk about how they had problems, not just nursing but had problems with mastitis and called them and they were helped. The good thing is that it is a totally sustainable idea, no waste here!

So for those who don't know this, insurance companies are supposed to abide by the ACA, (That's right, the Affordable Care Act) and reimburse you for your breast pump. in fact, the best part about the now defunct Toys R Us/Babies R Us company was that they did all of the work with the insurance companies and people got better breast pumps than they thought they could. Little known fact that was told to me by a young mom! Because I did stop nursing before the kids graduated high school....

La Leche League International website link

Hyperallergic Review of Dorothea Lasky's Book, "Milk"

"Dorothea Lasky's Provocative Poems about Motherhood
The Poems in Milk combine snarky sense of humor with an edge of semi-bitter self-consciousness."

Gap Ad of Breastfeeding Mother Article

Natalie De Blois with Mario Salvadori and Philip Johnson

natalie de blois: article from SOM

Natalie Le Blois: Architect Mother

Natalie De Blois with students at UT-Austin in the 1980's

Oral History of Natalie De Blois from the Art Institute of Chicago

I recently came upon a tweet from Dr. Marin N. Sullivan about the Architect, Wife and Mother Natalie De Blois, she was referring to the architect's oral history and in the transcript it says that it was suggested that she not show up at the opening of her building, Connecticut Life if she was still pregnant. And she said, "Well things were different back then..." and I was thinking, "Are they really that different now?" I think the only thing that would be different is that they probably wouldn't say it because they knew they would be part of a lawsuit.

It was also brought up in a Facebook post from Architect Rachel Preston Prinz that had the Niece of Natalie De Blois making a comment about her Aunt being on the "To Tell the Truth" game show in the 50's so I looked it up and sure enough! It is at the 8:32 mark.

"To Tell the Truth" Video clip of Natalie De Blois

For more on feeling like you aren't alone in your struggle of motherhood and architecture, please watch the results of the EquityxDesign Survey Results here:

EquityXDesign Narrated Survey Results

So anyways....

I think what most Mothers or what most Archimoms want for Mother's Day is that we support each other as there are about as many different ways to be a mother as there are ways to design any other domestic abode.